New Year's Resolutions for the Cast and Crew of New Year's Eve
Sarah Jessica Parker: quit romantic comedies where you aren't playing Carrie Bradshaw.
Ashton Kutcher: quit playing the know-it-all slacker.
Lea Michele: quit using your wonderful voice as an excuse to portray shrill control freaks.
Jessica Biel and Katherine Heigl: just quit.
Michelle Pfeiffer: stop hitting on younger men who aren't half as hot, or talented, as you (i.e. Zac Efron, Rupert Friend in Cheri etc.)
Halle Berry: prove what an amazing actress you can be! Your little scenes were the most touching in the entire movie!
Robert de Niro: stop playing possessive fathers who die, get sick or are related to Ben Stiller.
Abigail Breslin: please stop growing up *sad face*
Seth Meyers: keep your day, err night job.
Sarah Paulson: get someone to hire you in an awesome indie where you're the lead. You've got the chops ma'am! (this year you were fantastic in American Horror Story and Martha Marcy May Marlene)
Héctor Elizondo: since Garry Marshall loves you and listens to you, threaten not to be in his next movie unless it's as brilliant as Pretty Woman or as entertaining as The Princess Diaries.
Hollywood: make it your new year's resolution to stop making movies like New Year's Eve!
Grade: *
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