Just Because.

Be, Less, Italian...

OK, if there was an Oscar category for Best Poster design "Nine" wouldn't be getting in.
On its second poster released today we get a more cinematic feel and people who saw it without knowing what the hell it was about, would actually begin to understand the whole "oh they're movie people" thing.
However, cursed by the worst Photoshoppers in the history of the world, the Weinstein Co. artistic department came up with a preposterous, incoherent design.
For starters, who the hell would pose for the paparazzi like Marion, Nicole, Penélope and Kate are?
We get that the graphic designers were too lazy to look for any other images of the actors (they're exactly the same ones they used for the other poster) and don't get me wrong, they all look great (LOVE the Mastroiani feel of Daniel Day Lewis' hunch)...just not as a group.

This is never as evident as with the cast's gazes. Where the hell are all of them looking at? Marion apparently spotted something in Daniel's head and is doing flirty eyes at it.
Daniel is looking at Penélope's feet, while she smells her own armpit and falls down (judging from that too slanted position) and Nicole is straight out of her Chanel No. 5 ad looking for Baz.
Just look at how weird Penélope's position is. Not only do we have to wonder who can stand up like that and stay still, but what the heck did they do to her figure?
She's certainly beautiful and curvy, but by no means is she made out of plastic.

Last, but not least, there's the paparazzi. If you had those five together in the same spot, you'd want to take their picture right?
But look at the photographers in red, their eyes and their cameras? What on Earth are they taking pictures of?
It pains me that "Nine" is doing those wonderful trailers and gives no damn about posters. The whole production seems to be cursed with really, really bad Photoshopping.
Remember that "Vogue" cover?

I was appalled to learn that, contrary to what the final result looks like, the women were actually photographed together! (Watch video for proof)
As much as Italian society appreciates the extremes at which some women can take their appearance. Just look at everything Berlusconi dates or appoints to Congress.
There's still a limit to how retouched actresses should appear. Was there anything more breathtaking than Claudia Cardinale's and Anouk Aimee's natural look in Fellini's "8 1/2"?
Rob Marshall should definitely approach these designers with care, ask them to put down the airbrushing tools and pray not to be blurred or stretched in some Mac.

Be, More, Italian!

The idea behind the new poster for "Nine" is kinda cute. The whole poster within a poster thing has been done in the past to great effect (remember "Notting Hill"?)
But something about this poster is too damn selfconscious.
It is too damn crowded, there's too much going on and you don't really know where the hell you should be looking at first.
Wouldn't it have been superb if the poster featuring the women had been done in the style of the era: with illustrations a la Anita Ekberg in "La Dolce Vita"?
At least this one's better than the Korean version.

Bellissimo.

The "sleek" with Nicole!
The spread with Penélope!
The "Vogue" with Kate!
Someone give this to me now!

Mamma Mia...

It's been published everywhere, but it rocks! Can't wait for this!

How to Achieve Multiple Orgasms in 2:30.

Penélope Times Nine.

If I had taken the time to make one of those "most expected of the year..." lists, Rob Marshall's adaptation of "Nine" would've topped my countdown.
Not only is it based on one of my favorite, and greatest, films of all time, but it's got some of the most talented, beautiful working actresses in its impressive ensemble.
OK I know I've posted about "Nine" before, but I've ran out of excuses to post about Penélope.
It might be quite impossible to imagine, but little less than four years ago she was one of the actresses I despised the most.
Which gives me an idea for a future Cruz post...