Burlesque **

Director: Steven Antin

Cast: Cher, Christina Aguilera

Eric Dane, Cam Gigandet, Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron

Alan Cumming, Peter Gallagher, Stanley Tucci

If The Pussycat Dolls could sing and had been discovered by Cher, their story would look something like Burlesque.

The story in the film has been told a million times (and in much better ways) but here's the deal:

Ali (Aguilera) is a small town girl trying to make it in Los Angeles, who just happens to sing like Christina Aguilera.

Tess (Cher) is a club owner trying her best to save her club from a real estate mogul (Dane) who wants to buy it from her, of course the club's not doing well and the only thing that could save them would be a new star...

Things do go as you expect them to and the movie pretends it's not about how well they tell the story but about how it looks.

The musical numbers are done in a Bob Fosse-meets a Kylie Minogue concert way and as such are quite effective. There's lots of lights, lots of feathers, more hot girls than Tess could ever afford to keep on payroll and of course Aguilera squeezes those pipes like there's no tomorrow.

Yet the thing is that for all of its flash and glitter, the movie can't help but feel absolutely lacking. For instance the second Aguilera comes onscreen (which is immediately after the studio logos appear) we know the gal can sing (in fact she does a number by herself as soon as the opening credits appear).

So when the moment comes for Tess and the club people to realize she has a talent, the audience is way knowledgeable of this fact (not to mention that Aguilera isn't much of an actress and Ali really comes often looking as a poorly dressed version of the singer).

In between numbers we get glimpses of the characters' lives and Aguilera gets a love triangle (with the efficiently cute Gigandet and Dane), Tess gets rejected by banks and other characters fill stock roles with grace (would've been fantastic to see more of Kristen Bell's bitchy Nikki).

The movie is instantly forgettable but boy do we come out craving more Cher. Her appearances are quite limited and she does the best numbers in the movie but we just can't get enough of her attitude, her flawless skin and her stingy one-liners (her chemistry with Tucci who technically reprises his character from The Devil Wears Prada) is just fantastic.

But Burlesque will not please those who expect their films to make any sense and demand more than lights and heavy makeup to have a good time at the movies.

For those, a complimentary cocktail or two are a must before entering this club.

Sheet-y Saturday.

Where we take a look at posters for upcoming features.


Christina Aguilera...bless her heart. Whoever made her believe she has become a brand name, and people the world over will know who she is (as they obviously will with Cher) just by reading her first name, is seriously deranged.
But that said, the poster for Burlesque is all kinds of fabulous! If it wasn't for the fact that Aguilera doing her "I'm about to sing so shut up bitches" pose is a bit too "tour on film", everything else is so decadent, kitschy and gay that the movie is making it clear who will like it and who won't.
From a design level, we could've done without the movie title on top, given how the sign made out of light bulbs is pretty easy to read on its own.
The whole thing looks like VH1 Divas meets Chicago by way of Dreamgirls times This Is It.
And honestly I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.


Zhang Yimou is a visual master and has yet to disappoint when it comes to pure aesthetic experiences.
The only reason why this poster caught my eye is because I love how it openly declares it's a remake.
Hollywood loves remaking movies but rarely feature that as part of their marketing campaogns so Zhang must know what he's doing if he leads people on fully knowing they are about to see something that might've been better the first time around.

Dying to see these movies or could you care less about remakes and X-tina?