Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen *

Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox
Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro

What is the difference between Michael Bay and an 8 year-old? An 8 year-old doesn't need 200 million dollars to create chaos. Cymbal roll.
In the sequel to the highly successful 2007 film, Bay squeezes every CGI and crazy pyrotechnic effect he can get out of his budget, completely forgetting about things such as plot and character and delivers the remains of a film clouded by smoke and loud sound effects.
In between action sequences, change of locales and unnecessary scenes we can put together the pieces of a plot in which the Autobots and Decepticons are at war once again.
This time the Decepticons are after a centuries' old device which will help them destroy Earth and perpetuate their existence.
The Autobots who have made an alliance with humans are trying to stop them. Meanwhile Sam (LaBeouf) is trying to lead a normal life and moves to college where he tries to keep a long distance relationship with his girlfriend Mikaela (Fox).
While in the last film Bay at least tried to deliver something that resembled coherence, this sequel is all about going big.
Therefore the robots get new parts, the battles are longer and the running time expands to a gargantuan and horrible two and a half hours that culminate in Egypt.
And Michael Bay is certainly no David Lean, so he fills each minute of film with pure junk. Pointing out why the film is so bad may not be as worthy as wondering how does Bay get away with stuff like this?
There's racist robots (twin Chevrolets Mudflap and Skids), John Turturro's ass in a jock and a little Decepticon humping Fox's leg.
All things which have come to be associated with teenage male audiences for whom sexual fantasies equal slow motion explosions, war and Playboy centerfolds.
But haven't these things become associated with them because of people like Bay? His movies have, shockingly, become some of the highest grossing films in history and his target audience is that of young males.
But who came first, them or Bay? That question is as enigmatic and troublesome as all the plot holes, cursing and gross robot actions in the movie.
Then there's the whole issue of how much pleasure Bay seems to get out of destroying historical landmarks, even if it's fake. This time the Egyptian pyramids get the crap beaten out of them, which makes what happened in the Iraq museum during the invasion less of a mystery.
Bay has decided his audience enjoys history being destroyed, having a disdain for authority and education as something "cool" and filling up emptiness with shots of Megan Fox's breasts bouncing in slow motion.
If this isn't enough to make you sick, the thought that you actually saw this movie will.
A Decepticon refers to Fox as " hot but not so bright" and that's about the only authentic thing you will get out of this movie.